It is the word no one wants to say - me included. You hate hearing it - you hate associating it with someone you know - you think if you don't say it, it will go away and not be there - and you fear it.
CANCER - no matter where it is, how big it is, how advanced it is - you fear it. I have known a few people who have had it. You pray for them and want to help in anyway you can. And you always are thankful it is not you.
But what happens on that day when it IS you?? How do you feel? What do you feel? What do you do?
Well - two days ago my biopsy came back on a mole on my face that I never ever imagined would be a problem. That biopsy said - MELANOMA, STAGE 2. Melanoma - the official name for a nasty skin cancer. The type of skin cancer that can spread to other parts of the body if not caught quickly enough. Stage 3 melanoma is the stage where it can start to spread. This was the second biopsy on this mole - the first small biopsy came back suspicious and the doctor wanted to take a bigger biopsy. He was talking about it maybe being a melanoma in situ which is a stage 0. So I was totally NOT prepared to hear the words "Melanoma, stage 2".
How did I feel? Like it wasn't really me that he was talking to. What did I feel? I felt numb, then I withdrew into myself for about 24 hrs. - not wanting to talk to anyone. What did I do? A lot of praying!! My doctor did not want to wait 3 weeks till the next available opening to remove it, so he is working me in on Monday, Aug. 4. One week from Monday. I am glad it will be done soon but I am definitely not looking forward to the procedure. I know it will hurt like X?!!X when he numbs my chin cause it hurt when he did the biopsy. And it will hurt afterward when the numbing wears off. And there will be a scar. But all that I can handle because the Lord will be with me and He will guide this surgeons' hand to get all of the cancer out!!!
How am I feeling now? Still scared and anxious - it is still cancer no matter where it is at. But also I find myself feeling drawn to and repeating over and over the following scripture:
"YOU, DEAR CHILDREN, ARE FROM GOD AND HAVE OVERCOME THEM, BECAUSE THE ONE WHO IS IN YOU IS GREATER THAN THE ONE WHO IS IN THE WORLD." 1 John 4:4
2 comments:
Praying...I love you!
I love you so much, you are such a special person to me! I feel very strongly that God is going to make this OK! I know it is scary hearing the "C" word and it is referring to you. But you are so strong in your faith and you have all your family praying for you. Sully also sends you his love. He really thinks a lot of you. Just feel our arms around you giving you a BIG HUG!! We love you. Pat & Sully
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