I LOST IT TODAY

Well, my hope of no more overwhelming sadness was dashed today. Felt ok when I first got to work. Then around 10:30 one of the veterinarians took my joking around with her wrong and she jumped all over me (which totally took me by surprise). Then shortly after that I had a client who was not taking no for an answer and after telling me I had no compassion and no love for pets who are part of everyone's family, I really started feeling bad. The not loving pets really hurt and all I could think of was Thea and Fancy again and how much I really really missed them and then I started missing Mom, missing having family close at Christmas or any time, miss having a family of my own (children, husband), and basically just feeling very NON CHRISTMASY!! Then my boss jokingly started giving me a hard time and that's when everything hit - the tears started pouring out of the old eyes and I basically ran from the room. Then the first vet came back to the breakroom to apologize and the tears started again. When I told her it wasn't just her, that there were other things - she tried to make me feel better by telling me that she knew it was hard - losing Mom, losing Thea and Fancy, not having family close. WAAAAAAA - talk about hitting everything right on the nose and having it right back in my face!!! I know she was trying to make me feel better and letting me know she understood, but boy it hit me hard and I couldn't stop crying. And one thing I don't like doing is losing control at work and crying. So the rest of the day was pretty lousy and I still feel like an emotional wreck. I came home and talked to Terri about it and started crying all over again. I pretty much feel like I could care less if Christmas came or not. I really really don't feel like being cheerful and Christmasy right now. Definitely not a good Christmas this year. Maybe next year will be better. Right now - I just wish it was all over.

SADNESS

Have you ever just been hit with a sudden, overwhelming feeling of sadness?? I was today - about 3:30 pm while sitting at my desk listening to Mindy and Sharon talking about something. You know I don't even remember what they were talking about. But whatever it was it triggered my sadness. My thoughts, my heart, my emotions were filled with images of Thea and Fancy. My heart hurt with missing them and remembering how much I dearly loved those two little dogs. I have not felt that sadness in quite a while and not since Thea died have I been hit with such an overwhelming feeling. In just a few minutes I felt like I was about to burst into tears that would not stop if I let them out. Tonight I am still feeling kind of emotionally spent (even though I did not break down and cry). I hope I don't have more periods of sadness like that for awhile. I really miss those two little dogs and loved them both so very much.

WHAT CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT

"In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to his own town to register.
So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn." - Luke 2:1-7

What is Christmas? A time for buying and giving presents? A time for getting together with family and friends? A time for big meals and fun times? Yes, Christmas has all those things. But what is Christmas really about?

Christmas is about the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ - our Savior. The one who came down from heaven - the Son of God - and was born on this earth as a man for one purpose only. To die on the cross for our sins; to pay the price for our sin - death. He loved us so much, he died a horrible death so we can have the gift of salvation and live with Him forever in heaven. So, at this time we should be praising Him and celebrating His birth. And the gifts we give to our loved ones should be with the joy of loving Him. But more than that - we should be giving HIM our gifts. Our gift of love, praise, thanksgiving. Our gift of helping others as He would help others, doing things in His name and for His glory. Doing ALL things, no matter how big or small, for Jesus. I try to do all this because I love Him so much!!!
"Jesus, my Lord, thank you for YOUR gift to me of salvation so I can spend eternity praising you in Heaven. Help me to keep my eyes focused on YOU, to do everything I do, no matter how big or small, for YOUR glory and in Your Name. Bless this Christmas Season for my whole family and I pray they all know your love and that you will bless them in the year to come. I love you Jesus!!"

WINTER WONDERLAND

The forecast said a slight dusting in some areas. At 10:30 pm I went to let the girls out to potty and this is what I saw!!! And it was still snowing 2 hours later. I love watching it snow, especially when I know I don't have to go to work the next morning at 6 am. It was so peaceful and beautiful watching the snowflakes come down. The girls didn't especially like it. Had to push them out the door. But I sure liked it. And most of you are thinking - that's hardly any snow at all!! Well, when one lives in a part of the country where you don't get much snow at all - this is a lot of snow!! And - we usually don't get snow until after the first of the year so this was a pleasant surprise. Who knows - maybe we will get even more snow this year. I'll keep you posted.

PRECIOUS GIFTS

Another birthday - another year gone by. Time goes by so quickly anymore. And sometimes it seems like it takes forever for something to get done or happen. But then you realize it is God's Time and it is perfect!!! Today is my birthday. Nothing big planned for the day but it was a day to stop and thank God for his wonderful timing and for a wonderful blessed gift He gave to my very dear friends, Thom and Susan. And He gave them this gift yesterday - just in time to celebrate on my birthday. I feel like it is MY gift also as this family means so very much to me.

Almost 3 years ago, Thom and Susan took 2 adorable little girls into their home as foster children. Soon it became apparent that these two girls were going to need a permanent home. Thus began the days, months, and years of praying that God would bless Thom and Susan with the gift of these two children permanently. Then last year in December they also took into their home the newborn brother to the girls. Adam became a legal permanent part of their life this summer. But yesterday, after many months of prayer, the girls, Hazel and Emilly, legally became Thom and Susan's children. I have watched these two girls change from scared, lost little girls to confident, happy, laughing children. They are so precious and they along with their brother Adam are beautiful, precious gifts from God. And I am so happy and excited to be a part of their lives!!! "Thank you, thank you, thank you God for answering our prayers and bringing these children into not only Thom and Susan's lives but also mine. They are all so precious to me and I thank you for Susan's friendship which means so very much to me. I am so happy to call her my friend; and am so tickled to have the kids call me "Aunty Deb"!! You are an Awesome God and I love you Lord and praise your Holy Name!!"

ARE YOU TALKING TO ME???

Just tell me - who can resist this face?? This dog has a look to her that I have never seen before. There is so much expression in those eyes. And when it comes to a staring contest - she does NOT break contact. Only if you wave food at her!!! When this picture was taken - I was trying to get her attention by saying her name - and she definitely knows her name. She finally looked at me with that expression and it most definitely said - "Are you talking to me???" She may not be a dainty little Italian Greyhound but she is definitely unique, one of a kind and a very special "Unexpected Blessing!"

IT'S MINE!! NO, IT'S MINE!!!

A couple days ago, I bought two new squeaky toys for "the girls". Well, really for Fannie and Envi as Tiki doesn't play with toys anymore. I bought two really cute fuzzy toys - one was a hedgehog and the other a bunny. A toy for each one. The bunny for Fannie (she is a beagle you know) and the hedgehog for Envi. And of course - just like kids - THEY BOTH WANTED THE SAME TOY!!!! As you can see, they were trying to pull the poor bunny apart. Each one wanted that darn bunny!! I couldn't help but laugh and of course, run to get my camera. Those two are just so funny. I had forgotten how hilarious younger dogs can be. Not that Tiki doesn't have her funny moments but she had more funny moments when she was younger. She is now a "mature" dog. And very dignified! (And very deaf!!!) Hahahahaha. She probably doesn't think that is funny. Anyway, the bunny is still intact and doing well (as shown in the other photo). And they are still fighting over who gets the bunny first!!! LOVE THOSE DOGS!!!

NEWEST BLESSING

Yes - I have been blessed with a new addition. I did not think I would get another dog at this time but God had other plans. This is "Envi" (About Time's Blue With Envi). She is 2 years old, blue and white, Italian Greyhound. She came from a breeder in New Mexico who was not going to use her in her breeding program anymore. The first thing that attracted me was her color - I love the blue color. Upon further investigation I discovered she had the same bloodlines in her pedigree that Thea had (and I loved Thea's looks and disposition). After much prayer and thought, I inquired about her and ultimately bought her from the breeder. She was shipped via Delta Airlines and arrived safely on a Thursday night. She has been with us for over a month now and is definitely a member of the family. She quickly discovered that the couch was a great place to be, the bed at night was heavenly, and the backyard was made to run in!! She loves to run circles in the backyard. Barking and yipping at the air as she flies around the yard. She is fun to watch as you can tell she loves running. I have plans to get her into the therapy dog program and start taking her to see Jo. She has seen Jo once already and it was love at first sight for Jo. Her face lit up like a lightbulb!! So for someone who didn't think she would have another dog right now - I must say - "Thank you Lord for my newest little blessing!!"

GOD'S TIMING

God's Timing - We know God's timing is always perfect. But sometimes it isn't till later that we finally realize just how perfect it is. He knows our lives before we even live it and knows when things will happen. Even though we sometimes think - "when Lord" or "why Lord - why now" - He knows the reason. When I look at the picture above - I think of God's Timing. Why? This picture was taken at Cumberland Falls, Kentucky on August 19, 2008. Terri and I had taken her sister to meet her dad and brother to spend a couple weeks with them. We were taking a couple days to just enjoy some of God's Beauty in Nature. But at the same time we were quite concerned with our little dog - Fancy - who was having more and more health problems. But God in His wisdom and love - provided us with two beautiful days to enjoy the beauty He created. We walked and talked along the paths at Cumberland Falls. I took hundreds of pictures showing the beauty He has created. And He enabled us to have the time to talk to each other, with no distractions, about our little girl. Looking back at those two days, even though we didn't actually say it - I think we both knew we would be making the tough decision soon. He also gave little Fancy several days (almost 2 weeks) of feeling GREAT before we left for Kentucky. But when we came back, she was going downhill again. It was a very hard and painful thing we had to do, but I thank the Lord for giving us the time to appreciate His creations (all His creations) and the strength and courage to make the decision. We loved Fancy too much to let her be in pain.
"Thank you Lord for loving us so much, for creating such a beautiful world we live in, and for enabling us to see YOU in all your creations. Thank you for the strength and courage to let Fancy go and thank you for always being with us, especially during times of sorrow. I love you Lord so very much!!"

THE BAND-AIDS ARE OFF!!!

NO MORE BAND-AIDS ON MY CHIN!!! And here I am - for all the world to see. I saw my doctor on Thursday and he said the skin graft is looking great and I did not have to keep it covered with a band-aid anymore. I was so happy with that news. Not that I want the world to see the skin graft - as it is not very pretty - but the band-aid on my chin was driving me crazy!!! The skin graft looks SO MUCH better now than it did 2 weeks ago. Then it still looked good according to the doctor but it was much redder and very puffy. Now I go back in 2 months and will have my chin numbed AGAIN (I hate that part - it hurts very badly). Then he will "smooth" the graft and he said one probably wouldn't even notice I had a skin graft done. I have another appointment with my regular dermatologist on October 3rd. He will be doing a complete check all over for any irregular or suspicious looking moles. I have two on my back that need checked - I hope they will not be melanomas. But if they are - we will deal with it like we did this one. God is always with me and is beside me in all things. Hope the picture didn't "gross" you all out but it is me and it is healing!!! Praise God!!!

"FANCY" - 10/9/96 - 8/25/08

Fancy - our baby - our almost 12-year old "baby". You gave so much love to us and you fought so hard with so many problems all your life. You had so many health issues and illnesses, yet you overcame them and kept living and loving. But the last few months have been difficult. Watching you breathing hard, having diarrhea, vomiting, and just feeling so poorly - knowing your liver was getting worse - all of that was very hard to watch. The last couple weeks - you had several very very good days and then you went downhill again and we just didn't want you to continue to get worse and worse. You were not enjoying your life and we could not let you be in pain anymore. So the very difficult and painful decision was made. We cried and cried. And I held you in my arms for the last time Monday morning as we let you go. No more pain, no more vomiting, no more constant diarrhea, no seizures. Now I like to think you are running and playing and enjoying yourself with Thea. And I know God will be watching over you and I already feel His comfort and love for me and someday I will see both you and Thea again and hold you both in my arms. I will always love you little "Fancy Pants."

TOMORROW

"Tomorrow" - It will soon be here. In just a few more hours I will be spending several hours at the Skin and Cancer Center having the melanoma removed. Am I anxious about it? Yes. Am I afraid and worried? Trying not to be but it does creep in there. Am I praying and trusting in the Lord? YES!! I know it is going to hurt and I know it will hurt afterwards, but it will all be ok as long as all the cancer is removed. Terri gave me this little card yesterday and it says it all. I will be taking it with me and will have it with me during the whole time.

"When I am afraid, I will trust in You." Psalm 56:3

THE HATED "C" WORD

It is the word no one wants to say - me included. You hate hearing it - you hate associating it with someone you know - you think if you don't say it, it will go away and not be there - and you fear it.

CANCER - no matter where it is, how big it is, how advanced it is - you fear it. I have known a few people who have had it. You pray for them and want to help in anyway you can. And you always are thankful it is not you.

But what happens on that day when it IS you?? How do you feel? What do you feel? What do you do?

Well - two days ago my biopsy came back on a mole on my face that I never ever imagined would be a problem. That biopsy said - MELANOMA, STAGE 2. Melanoma - the official name for a nasty skin cancer. The type of skin cancer that can spread to other parts of the body if not caught quickly enough. Stage 3 melanoma is the stage where it can start to spread. This was the second biopsy on this mole - the first small biopsy came back suspicious and the doctor wanted to take a bigger biopsy. He was talking about it maybe being a melanoma in situ which is a stage 0. So I was totally NOT prepared to hear the words "Melanoma, stage 2".

How did I feel? Like it wasn't really me that he was talking to. What did I feel? I felt numb, then I withdrew into myself for about 24 hrs. - not wanting to talk to anyone. What did I do? A lot of praying!! My doctor did not want to wait 3 weeks till the next available opening to remove it, so he is working me in on Monday, Aug. 4. One week from Monday. I am glad it will be done soon but I am definitely not looking forward to the procedure. I know it will hurt like X?!!X when he numbs my chin cause it hurt when he did the biopsy. And it will hurt afterward when the numbing wears off. And there will be a scar. But all that I can handle because the Lord will be with me and He will guide this surgeons' hand to get all of the cancer out!!!

How am I feeling now? Still scared and anxious - it is still cancer no matter where it is at. But also I find myself feeling drawn to and repeating over and over the following scripture:

"YOU, DEAR CHILDREN, ARE FROM GOD AND HAVE OVERCOME THEM, BECAUSE THE ONE WHO IS IN YOU IS GREATER THAN THE ONE WHO IS IN THE WORLD." 1 John 4:4

ONE YEAR AGO TODAY

THEA - June 15, 2007 - one year ago today - the painful decision to not let you suffer was made. That was one of the most painful days of my life and I had many more after that - thinking of you and missing you. You were my "soulmate" - we did so many things together and went through so much together.

But today - instead of being sad - it will be a day of remembering your life and all the good things and fun things you did and we did. We had 14 wonderful years and God blessed me with you and I will always thank Him for you.

The first picture we took of you. We had only had you for less than a week - you were about 8 months old and already I loved you. And even though you were small, you still thought you were tougher than Spirit!!

Then we decided to let you become a momma. But even though you had an adorable baby girl, she didn't live. You were very sad for awhile but we got through that.

Then we decided to torment you and Tiki came into our life. She was very much a "stinker" and always wanted to play and wrestle with you. At first you didn't want anything to do with her but then you became best friends forever.

You always made us laugh when you wanted something - cause even if we put it up high out of your reach, you would show us by jumping very high and taking it from us!! You did love to jump. You could jump from a standstill at my feet and jump into my arms with no effort. And then there was Christmas!!! How you loved Christmas and getting into the presents and the paper. You thought every present was yours!! You were so funny at Christmas.

Then Fancy came along and the three of you were the best of buddies!!! You would all race around the yard, chasing each other and jumping out at each other!! You were so much fun to watch. You were definitely "The Three Amigos"!!

The time then came when the Lord showed me what He wanted us to do. I discovered you were wonderful with the elderly at nursery homes. You loved being with Mom when she was first admitted to the nursing home. You slept with her when she took a nap and sometimes even didn't want to go home with me. I think you would have been content to spend the night with her. After we came home, our therapy dog training began and you spent many hours visiting nursing homes, hospitals, special education classes. You logged in "officially" 250 visits to receive your "Outstanding Therapy Dog" award. But I would guess you had over 500 visits in your career as a therapy dog. You were so patient with everyone and would sit so quietly on their laps to be petted. You were a blessing to them and to me.

As you got older, you became deaf and didn't see very well and you became very white around your muzzle and head. But that didn't stop you from continuing to enjoy your visits and playing with your buddies.

As your time here grew shorter, you still continued to give me your love and I loved you in return. You were pampered and cuddled and loved. Today I won't think about the last few weeks of your life. They were hard and it makes me sad to think of that time. So instead I will remember you in all the silly and wonderful things you did - jumping at my back when it was time to eat, running up and getting in my face and staring into my eyes when I first came home from work as if to say - "Are you really home??"; sitting with Mom on her lap, getting Fancy by the throat and spinning her around on the floor, going to sleep on Jo's lap and waving bye to her, and curling up by my side in bed every night.


I love you Thea and I miss you still a lot - but I will always, always have 14 years of wonderful memories in my heart that will never be lost!!!

THEA
08/06/92 - 06/15/07

WILD, WILD ANIMALS!!!

We made it to our safari ride!! Had a great tour guide - very funny. Saw lots of wild animals - my favorites being the elephants. I love elephants. The momma and baby elephant were so precious. And of course we saw rhinos, alligators, zebras, giraffes, and this wart hog!! Cute, isn't it??!! Of course, I instantly thought - PUMBA!!! It was so much fun riding on the safari with the entire group. We all took some good pictures and had a great time. After the safari, we headed for the "Lion King" show where I got to see PUMBA!!! It was a great show.

Later on, we went to the Dinosaur Ride. Had to wait in line awhile for that one but it was exciting. But the most exciting part was the "Wild and Dangerous" animals we saw while waiting in line!!! There was the T-Rex skeleton - very big and I was glad it was not real!!! Can you imagine coming face to face with that!!

But then, there was the most scary animal of all - and it looked right at me and at my camera - I was soooooo scared but I managed to get a picture of this wild and dangerous animal before it ran away!!!

It was the Bettyasaurus!!! It was touch and go for a minute - but we all came away safe and sound!!! Hahahahahahahaha!!! We all had so much fun - memories we will treasure forever!!

OH NO!!! WHAT IS IT???

Yesterday Terri and I went up to Virginia and that is where Terri had her hair done and I got my hair cut also. While we were there, we took a little drive up to "Hungry Mother State Park" which was about a 10 minute drive from where we were. It was a very pretty drive and we have decided we are going to go back another weekend and spend all day in the park when we have more time. But while we were there - this critter made it into our car and came home with us!!! What is it??? It is a possum (the state animal for Tennessee - just kidding!!). The possum is about the ugliest animal on the earth - it is a giant rat with gray hair and a hairless tail. As I said - UGLY. And we had a LIVE one on our back porch the other night - a baby one but it was still a live one and UGLY!! It is hopefully gone now. But anyway - we went into the visitors center and there was this stuffed possum and somehow (through the magic of money!!) he made it into this bag and into my car and into MY bedroom!!! Hahahahaha! I just couldn't resist him - he has a hoodie on that says - "VA State Parks - "Possumably" the best!!" I ask you - Who Could Resist That???!!!!

WE'RE OFF - TO THE ANIMAL KINGDOM

OK - it is now Sunday and the WHOLE family is going to Disney's Animal Kingdom!!! There are 12 of us going!!! We started out the morning getting our pictures taken. First there were the "Three Mickeys" - Aunt Dixie, ME, and Pat. We had all bought the same t-shirt at Disney and wore them Sunday. And we instantly became the "Three Mickeys". We had fun with that all day. Of course then there were the "non-conformists!!!" - the one of a kind, non-matching threesome!!! - Carole, Betty, and Ann. Oh well, some people just have to be unique!!

When we arrived at the Animal Kingdom, we each had to have a "buddy" and each twosome was responsible for each other. That didn't always work. But we basically did pretty well. We started out heading for the Safari as we had "fast passes" and had to be there at a certain time to get right on the ride. So we were "booking it" to that. But I did get to stop and take a picture of one of the "main points" of the park - this tree!! Very unique and a lovely picture. (I also got to stop for a moment and catch my breath! Ha!) We arrived at the safari and went right on - no waiting!!!

Next up - WILD ANIMALS!!!

SHE DID IT!!!

Finally!!! After nudging and pushing and trying to gently persuade her (has taken a year or two) - Terri finally got her hair colored today!!! And it looks great!!! The lady who did it did a terrific job. It is not a blaringly jolting change - just a subtle change. Terri really likes it also. So - tell me what you all think!!! The first picture by the lake was taken in March of this year and the other one was taken today.

"THE BABY"

A little break from the "birthday celebration" blogging. Today was a little stressful for both myself and "the baby" - Fancy. Fancy is our youngest Italian Greyhound and even though she is almost 12, she will always be "the baby". Of course now we have Fannie Mae and she is the youngest dog but Fancy is and always will be "the baby". Today Fancy had to have a liver biopsy. I always get a little stressed when one of the greyhounds has to be put under anesthesia. But she is a little trooper, and she came through the procedure just fine. Last week we did some routine yearly bloodwork on Fancy (who has just about every problem a dog could have!!!) and now her liver values were GREATLY elevated. So we did a test called a "bile acid test" which tests the function of the liver. It also was GREATLY elevated which means her liver is not functioning properly. In order to know what is going on - a liver biopsy has to be performed. So today she had one done. Dr. Baird did an ultrasound-guided biopsy and got a good sample. He did say her liver was pretty small (which is not a good thing) and the sample was kind of pale (also not a good thing). We sent it off to a lab for the biopsy and should get the results next week. It could be anything from cancer to hepatitis to cirrhosis to just liver failure. She has so many problems - this is just one more organ to develop something wrong. She has days where she eats like a trooper and feels good, then she will have days where she won't eat at all and then days when she eats but throws it all back up. I tell myself not to worry or borrow trouble but it is difficult when you look into the eyes of one of your little "babies" and you know they don't feel well. But I will keep putting her in God's hands and pray that He will keep her with us for a long while. He has kept her with us through so many problems (which are still continuing but are being managed). I pray He will do the same thing again and help us to know how to manage this problem. And as always we will continue to love on her and spoil her rotten (as we do all three of our "little girls"!!).

MORE SURPRISES!

THE NEXT SURPRISE!! The surprise birthday party with all their friends held at the clubhouse on Saturday. And yes - she was definitely surprised again!! She was told we were going to have family pictures taken. Had no idea a party was in process. And again - Vince and Michele did a fantastic job. There was a catered meal of barbeque ribs, chicken, beans, salad, and much much more. It was delicious. Plus they had a drink bar and then the birthday cake!! There was another surprise for Marilyn that happened on Friday - Mike and Bev showed up at the house!! Mike had talked to Marilyn earlier in the day and told her he would talk to her later that evening. He just neglected to tell her it would be IN PERSON!!

The party was great and I know Marilyn felt very loved by all the people who showed up to wish her a Happy Birthday. Vince introduced us all to her friends before we ate and his introduction and his heartfelt thanks and love for us all touched my heart (as I am sure it touched the other siblings).

I was so happy to be a part of this wonderful birthday celebration. The love I FELT from Vince and Marilyn meant so much to me and I know they felt the LOVE we all have for them.

This party was the last of the surprises and Vince was very relieved. It was very hard on him to keep all those surprises a secret!!!! But he did a great job!

Next up - The Animal Kingdom