I LOST IT TODAY

Well, my hope of no more overwhelming sadness was dashed today. Felt ok when I first got to work. Then around 10:30 one of the veterinarians took my joking around with her wrong and she jumped all over me (which totally took me by surprise). Then shortly after that I had a client who was not taking no for an answer and after telling me I had no compassion and no love for pets who are part of everyone's family, I really started feeling bad. The not loving pets really hurt and all I could think of was Thea and Fancy again and how much I really really missed them and then I started missing Mom, missing having family close at Christmas or any time, miss having a family of my own (children, husband), and basically just feeling very NON CHRISTMASY!! Then my boss jokingly started giving me a hard time and that's when everything hit - the tears started pouring out of the old eyes and I basically ran from the room. Then the first vet came back to the breakroom to apologize and the tears started again. When I told her it wasn't just her, that there were other things - she tried to make me feel better by telling me that she knew it was hard - losing Mom, losing Thea and Fancy, not having family close. WAAAAAAA - talk about hitting everything right on the nose and having it right back in my face!!! I know she was trying to make me feel better and letting me know she understood, but boy it hit me hard and I couldn't stop crying. And one thing I don't like doing is losing control at work and crying. So the rest of the day was pretty lousy and I still feel like an emotional wreck. I came home and talked to Terri about it and started crying all over again. I pretty much feel like I could care less if Christmas came or not. I really really don't feel like being cheerful and Christmasy right now. Definitely not a good Christmas this year. Maybe next year will be better. Right now - I just wish it was all over.

SADNESS

Have you ever just been hit with a sudden, overwhelming feeling of sadness?? I was today - about 3:30 pm while sitting at my desk listening to Mindy and Sharon talking about something. You know I don't even remember what they were talking about. But whatever it was it triggered my sadness. My thoughts, my heart, my emotions were filled with images of Thea and Fancy. My heart hurt with missing them and remembering how much I dearly loved those two little dogs. I have not felt that sadness in quite a while and not since Thea died have I been hit with such an overwhelming feeling. In just a few minutes I felt like I was about to burst into tears that would not stop if I let them out. Tonight I am still feeling kind of emotionally spent (even though I did not break down and cry). I hope I don't have more periods of sadness like that for awhile. I really miss those two little dogs and loved them both so very much.

WHAT CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT

"In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to his own town to register.
So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn." - Luke 2:1-7

What is Christmas? A time for buying and giving presents? A time for getting together with family and friends? A time for big meals and fun times? Yes, Christmas has all those things. But what is Christmas really about?

Christmas is about the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ - our Savior. The one who came down from heaven - the Son of God - and was born on this earth as a man for one purpose only. To die on the cross for our sins; to pay the price for our sin - death. He loved us so much, he died a horrible death so we can have the gift of salvation and live with Him forever in heaven. So, at this time we should be praising Him and celebrating His birth. And the gifts we give to our loved ones should be with the joy of loving Him. But more than that - we should be giving HIM our gifts. Our gift of love, praise, thanksgiving. Our gift of helping others as He would help others, doing things in His name and for His glory. Doing ALL things, no matter how big or small, for Jesus. I try to do all this because I love Him so much!!!
"Jesus, my Lord, thank you for YOUR gift to me of salvation so I can spend eternity praising you in Heaven. Help me to keep my eyes focused on YOU, to do everything I do, no matter how big or small, for YOUR glory and in Your Name. Bless this Christmas Season for my whole family and I pray they all know your love and that you will bless them in the year to come. I love you Jesus!!"