Well, my hope of no more overwhelming sadness was dashed today. Felt ok when I first got to work. Then around 10:30 one of the veterinarians took my joking around with her wrong and she jumped all over me (which totally took me by surprise). Then shortly after that I had a client who was not taking no for an answer and after telling me I had no compassion and no love for pets who are part of everyone's family, I really started feeling bad. The not loving pets really hurt and all I could think of was Thea and Fancy again and how much I really really missed them and then I started missing Mom, missing having family close at Christmas or any time, miss having a family of my own (children, husband), and basically just feeling very NON CHRISTMASY!! Then my boss jokingly started giving me a hard time and that's when everything hit - the tears started pouring out of the old eyes and I basically ran from the room. Then the first vet came back to the breakroom to apologize and the tears started again. When I told her it wasn't just her, that there were other things - she tried to make me feel better by telling me that she knew it was hard - losing Mom, losing Thea and Fancy, not having family close. WAAAAAAA - talk about hitting everything right on the nose and having it right back in my face!!! I know she was trying to make me feel better and letting me know she understood, but boy it hit me hard and I couldn't stop crying. And one thing I don't like doing is losing control at work and crying. So the rest of the day was pretty lousy and I still feel like an emotional wreck. I came home and talked to Terri about it and started crying all over again. I pretty much feel like I could care less if Christmas came or not. I really really don't feel like being cheerful and Christmasy right now. Definitely not a good Christmas this year. Maybe next year will be better. Right now - I just wish it was all over.
1 comment:
It made me so sad to read your blog today. I wish you were right here beside me so I could give you a big hug and let you know how very much I love you. Don't let Satan get into your emotions and ruin your Christmas spirit. Remember what Christmas is, the birth of Jesus, we all should be rejoicing and believe me Satan is trying his best to make you feel sad and have no joy. So kick him in the butt and tell him to get lost you are going to rejoice and enjoy this season of gladness. Next year we should really get serious about getting together for this blessed holiday. What do you say? Want to plan a trip to Colorado? I love you...Sister Pat
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