God's Timing - We know God's timing is always perfect. But sometimes it isn't till later that we finally realize just how perfect it is. He knows our lives before we even live it and knows when things will happen. Even though we sometimes think - "when Lord" or "why Lord - why now" - He knows the reason. When I look at the picture above - I think of God's Timing. Why? This picture was taken at Cumberland Falls, Kentucky on August 19, 2008. Terri and I had taken her sister to meet her dad and brother to spend a couple weeks with them. We were taking a couple days to just enjoy some of God's Beauty in Nature. But at the same time we were quite concerned with our little dog - Fancy - who was having more and more health problems. But God in His wisdom and love - provided us with two beautiful days to enjoy the beauty He created. We walked and talked along the paths at Cumberland Falls. I took hundreds of pictures showing the beauty He has created. And He enabled us to have the time to talk to each other, with no distractions, about our little girl. Looking back at those two days, even though we didn't actually say it - I think we both knew we would be making the tough decision soon. He also gave little Fancy several days (almost 2 weeks) of feeling GREAT before we left for Kentucky. But when we came back, she was going downhill again. It was a very hard and painful thing we had to do, but I thank the Lord for giving us the time to appreciate His creations (all His creations) and the strength and courage to make the decision. We loved Fancy too much to let her be in pain.
"Thank you Lord for loving us so much, for creating such a beautiful world we live in, and for enabling us to see YOU in all your creations. Thank you for the strength and courage to let Fancy go and thank you for always being with us, especially during times of sorrow. I love you Lord so very much!!"
NO MORE BAND-AIDS ON MY CHIN!!! And here I am - for all the world to see. I saw my doctor on Thursday and he said the skin graft is looking great and I did not have to keep it covered with a band-aid anymore. I was so happy with that news. Not that I want the world to see the skin graft - as it is not very pretty - but the band-aid on my chin was driving me crazy!!! The skin graft looks SO MUCH better now than it did 2 weeks ago. Then it still looked good according to the doctor but it was much redder and very puffy. Now I go back in 2 months and will have my chin numbed AGAIN (I hate that part - it hurts very badly). Then he will "smooth" the graft and he said one probably wouldn't even notice I had a skin graft done. I have another appointment with my regular dermatologist on October 3rd. He will be doing a complete check all over for any irregular or suspicious looking moles. I have two on my back that need checked - I hope they will not be melanomas. But if they are - we will deal with it like we did this one. God is always with me and is beside me in all things. Hope the picture didn't "gross" you all out but it is me and it is healing!!! Praise God!!!
Fancy - our baby - our almost 12-year old "baby". You gave so much love to us and you fought so hard with so many problems all your life. You had so many health issues and illnesses, yet you overcame them and kept living and loving. But the last few months have been difficult. Watching you breathing hard, having diarrhea, vomiting, and just feeling so poorly - knowing your liver was getting worse - all of that was very hard to watch. The last couple weeks - you had several very very good days and then you went downhill again and we just didn't want you to continue to get worse and worse. You were not enjoying your life and we could not let you be in pain anymore. So the very difficult and painful decision was made. We cried and cried. And I held you in my arms for the last time Monday morning as we let you go. No more pain, no more vomiting, no more constant diarrhea, no seizures. Now I like to think you are running and playing and enjoying yourself with Thea. And I know God will be watching over you and I already feel His comfort and love for me and someday I will see both you and Thea again and hold you both in my arms. I will always love you little "Fancy Pants."
"Tomorrow" - It will soon be here. In just a few more hours I will be spending several hours at the Skin and Cancer Center having the melanoma removed. Am I anxious about it? Yes. Am I afraid and worried? Trying not to be but it does creep in there. Am I praying and trusting in the Lord? YES!! I know it is going to hurt and I know it will hurt afterwards, but it will all be ok as long as all the cancer is removed. Terri gave me this little card yesterday and it says it all. I will be taking it with me and will have it with me during the whole time.
"When I am afraid, I will trust in You." Psalm 56:3
It is the word no one wants to say - me included. You hate hearing it - you hate associating it with someone you know - you think if you don't say it, it will go away and not be there - and you fear it.
CANCER - no matter where it is, how big it is, how advanced it is - you fear it. I have known a few people who have had it. You pray for them and want to help in anyway you can. And you always are thankful it is not you.
But what happens on that day when it IS you?? How do you feel? What do you feel? What do you do?
Well - two days ago my biopsy came back on a mole on my face that I never ever imagined would be a problem. That biopsy said - MELANOMA, STAGE 2. Melanoma - the official name for a nasty skin cancer. The type of skin cancer that can spread to other parts of the body if not caught quickly enough. Stage 3 melanoma is the stage where it can start to spread. This was the second biopsy on this mole - the first small biopsy came back suspicious and the doctor wanted to take a bigger biopsy. He was talking about it maybe being a melanoma in situ which is a stage 0. So I was totally NOT prepared to hear the words "Melanoma, stage 2".
How did I feel? Like it wasn't really me that he was talking to. What did I feel? I felt numb, then I withdrew into myself for about 24 hrs. - not wanting to talk to anyone. What did I do? A lot of praying!! My doctor did not want to wait 3 weeks till the next available opening to remove it, so he is working me in on Monday, Aug. 4. One week from Monday. I am glad it will be done soon but I am definitely not looking forward to the procedure. I know it will hurt like X?!!X when he numbs my chin cause it hurt when he did the biopsy. And it will hurt afterward when the numbing wears off. And there will be a scar. But all that I can handle because the Lord will be with me and He will guide this surgeons' hand to get all of the cancer out!!!
How am I feeling now? Still scared and anxious - it is still cancer no matter where it is at. But also I find myself feeling drawn to and repeating over and over the following scripture:
"YOU, DEAR CHILDREN, ARE FROM GOD AND HAVE OVERCOME THEM, BECAUSE THE ONE WHO IS IN YOU IS GREATER THAN THE ONE WHO IS IN THE WORLD." 1 John 4:4
