NO MORE BAND-AIDS ON MY CHIN!!! And here I am - for all the world to see. I saw my doctor on Thursday and he said the skin graft is looking great and I did not have to keep it covered with a band-aid anymore. I was so happy with that news. Not that I want the world to see the skin graft - as it is not very pretty - but the band-aid on my chin was driving me crazy!!! The skin graft looks SO MUCH better now than it did 2 weeks ago. Then it still looked good according to the doctor but it was much redder and very puffy. Now I go back in 2 months and will have my chin numbed AGAIN (I hate that part - it hurts very badly). Then he will "smooth" the graft and he said one probably wouldn't even notice I had a skin graft done. I have another appointment with my regular dermatologist on October 3rd. He will be doing a complete check all over for any irregular or suspicious looking moles. I have two on my back that need checked - I hope they will not be melanomas. But if they are - we will deal with it like we did this one. God is always with me and is beside me in all things. Hope the picture didn't "gross" you all out but it is me and it is healing!!! Praise God!!!
Fancy - our baby - our almost 12-year old "baby". You gave so much love to us and you fought so hard with so many problems all your life. You had so many health issues and illnesses, yet you overcame them and kept living and loving. But the last few months have been difficult. Watching you breathing hard, having diarrhea, vomiting, and just feeling so poorly - knowing your liver was getting worse - all of that was very hard to watch. The last couple weeks - you had several very very good days and then you went downhill again and we just didn't want you to continue to get worse and worse. You were not enjoying your life and we could not let you be in pain anymore. So the very difficult and painful decision was made. We cried and cried. And I held you in my arms for the last time Monday morning as we let you go. No more pain, no more vomiting, no more constant diarrhea, no seizures. Now I like to think you are running and playing and enjoying yourself with Thea. And I know God will be watching over you and I already feel His comfort and love for me and someday I will see both you and Thea again and hold you both in my arms. I will always love you little "Fancy Pants."
"Tomorrow" - It will soon be here. In just a few more hours I will be spending several hours at the Skin and Cancer Center having the melanoma removed. Am I anxious about it? Yes. Am I afraid and worried? Trying not to be but it does creep in there. Am I praying and trusting in the Lord? YES!! I know it is going to hurt and I know it will hurt afterwards, but it will all be ok as long as all the cancer is removed. Terri gave me this little card yesterday and it says it all. I will be taking it with me and will have it with me during the whole time.
"When I am afraid, I will trust in You." Psalm 56:3
It is the word no one wants to say - me included. You hate hearing it - you hate associating it with someone you know - you think if you don't say it, it will go away and not be there - and you fear it.
CANCER - no matter where it is, how big it is, how advanced it is - you fear it. I have known a few people who have had it. You pray for them and want to help in anyway you can. And you always are thankful it is not you.
But what happens on that day when it IS you?? How do you feel? What do you feel? What do you do?
Well - two days ago my biopsy came back on a mole on my face that I never ever imagined would be a problem. That biopsy said - MELANOMA, STAGE 2. Melanoma - the official name for a nasty skin cancer. The type of skin cancer that can spread to other parts of the body if not caught quickly enough. Stage 3 melanoma is the stage where it can start to spread. This was the second biopsy on this mole - the first small biopsy came back suspicious and the doctor wanted to take a bigger biopsy. He was talking about it maybe being a melanoma in situ which is a stage 0. So I was totally NOT prepared to hear the words "Melanoma, stage 2".
How did I feel? Like it wasn't really me that he was talking to. What did I feel? I felt numb, then I withdrew into myself for about 24 hrs. - not wanting to talk to anyone. What did I do? A lot of praying!! My doctor did not want to wait 3 weeks till the next available opening to remove it, so he is working me in on Monday, Aug. 4. One week from Monday. I am glad it will be done soon but I am definitely not looking forward to the procedure. I know it will hurt like X?!!X when he numbs my chin cause it hurt when he did the biopsy. And it will hurt afterward when the numbing wears off. And there will be a scar. But all that I can handle because the Lord will be with me and He will guide this surgeons' hand to get all of the cancer out!!!
How am I feeling now? Still scared and anxious - it is still cancer no matter where it is at. But also I find myself feeling drawn to and repeating over and over the following scripture:
"YOU, DEAR CHILDREN, ARE FROM GOD AND HAVE OVERCOME THEM, BECAUSE THE ONE WHO IS IN YOU IS GREATER THAN THE ONE WHO IS IN THE WORLD." 1 John 4:4
THEA - June 15, 2007 - one year ago today - the painful decision to not let you suffer was made. That was one of the most painful days of my life and I had many more after that - thinking of you and missing you. You were my "soulmate" - we did so many things together and went through so much together.
But today - instead of being sad - it will be a day of remembering your life and all the good things and fun things you did and we did. We had 14 wonderful years and God blessed me with you and I will always thank Him for you.
The first picture we took of you. We had only had you for less than a week - you were about 8 months old and already I loved you. And even though you were small, you still thought you were tougher than Spirit!!
Then we decided to let you become a momma. But even though you had an adorable baby girl, she didn't live. You were very sad for awhile but we got through that.Then we decided to torment you and Tiki came into our life. She was very much a "stinker" and always wanted to play and wrestle with you. At first you didn't want anything to do with her but then you became best friends forever.
You always made us laugh when you wanted something - cause even if we put it up high out of your reach, you would show us by jumping very high and taking it from us!! You did love to jump. 
You could jump from a standstill at my feet and jump into my arms with no effort. And then there was Christmas!!! How you loved Christmas and getting into the presents and the paper. You thought every present was yours!! You were so funny at Christmas.
Then Fancy came along and the three of you were the best of buddies!!! You would all race around the yard, chasing each other and jumping out at each other!! You were so much fun to watch. You were definitely "The Three Amigos"!!
The time then came when the Lord showed me what He wanted us to do. I discovered you were wonderful with the elderly at nursery homes. You loved being with Mom when she was first admitted to the nursing home. You slept with her when she took a nap and sometimes even didn't want to go home with me. I think you would have been content to spend the night with her. After we came home, our therapy dog training began and you spent many hours visiting nursing homes, hospitals, special education classes. You logged in "officially" 250 visits to receive your "Outstanding Therapy Dog" award. But I would guess you had over 500 visits in your career as a therapy dog. You were so patient with everyone and would sit so quietly on their laps to be petted. You were a blessing to them and to me.
As you got older, you became deaf and didn't see very well and you became very white around your muzzle and head. But that didn't stop you from continuing to enjoy your visits and playing with your buddies.
As your time here grew shorter, you still continued to give me your love and I loved you in return. You were pampered and cuddled and loved. Today I won't think about the last few weeks of your life. They were hard and it makes me sad to think of that time. So instead I will remember you in all the silly and wonderful things you did - jumping at my back when it was time to eat, running up and getting in my face and staring into my eyes when I first came home from work as if to say - "Are you really home??"; sitting with Mom on her lap, getting Fancy by the throat and spinning her around on the floor, going to sleep on Jo's lap and waving bye to her, and curling up by my side in bed every night.
I love you Thea and I miss you still a lot - but I will always, always have 14 years of wonderful memories in my heart that will never be lost!!!
THEA
08/06/92 - 06/15/07
