"THE LAST BATTLE" - OUR LAST NIGHT

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
and pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this - the last battle - can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
Don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
What is to come can hold no fears.
You'd not want me to suffer, so,
When the time comes, please let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me til the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
it is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close - we two - these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
-Author Unknown-

Tonight is my last night with Thea. Tomorrow morning I will take her to the clinic where Dr. Baird (who has been trying so hard to save her) will let her sleep and not let her suffer. We have been battling this "illness" for almost 2 months now. And we have eliminated it down to Myelogenous Leukemia. Her white blood count has continued to rise - today it was at 74,000 (the normal is 4,000 to 15,000). She is still anemic. And the last week she has developed a cough. But today was the definite sign from the Lord that the time has come. She had vomiting and diarrhea this morning (an inflammatory bowel episode probably). But she was groaning this morning with it which she has never done before. That bothered me greatly. But I wanted to get her lungs x-rayed today more than anything because of the cough which was getting worse. Tara and Cheryl (two of our technicians) came and took her for her x-ray. About 10 minutes later, I walked back to the treatment area to see if the x-rays were up and Tara would not look at me and said I needed to talk to Dr. Jones. (Not a good sign). That's when the "bomb fell." Thea has a very large mass in her chest. A mass that was not there two weeks ago (when we x-rayed her then). A mass that is pushing on her lungs and heart - a mass that will only get bigger very quickly. A mass that could (in the very near future) cause her to have trouble breathing and she could suffocate and die a very painful death. I won't let that happen. And it could happen in just a few days. I love her too much to let her die that way. So tomorrow morning around 8 am I will let her go back to God - who gave her to me and let me spend 15 terrific, loving years with her; who showed me how I could bring joy to others with her, and to bring such joy and love to me. Thea had three very good days this week and I am so thankful to God for those three days. Now it is time to show how much I truly love her and let her go before she starts to suffer.

I LOVE YOU THEA - YOU HAVE BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE "GOD'S LITTLE BLESSING" TO ME.