Two weeks ago my "little blessing" was given back to God. The last two weeks have been very hard - I miss her so very much. Yesterday was extremely sad as her cremated remains were delivered back to me and I put her in the urn I bought for her. Needless to say, I spent a long time crying. But through all this, I have had the Lord by my side and I know His strength is getting me through this.
But now, Lord, do I have to go through it all over again? I don't know if I can. On Monday, our "baby" - Fancy - who is 10 years old, wasn't feeling well. Took her to work and did bloodwork and it came back showing liver and pancreas problems. Did more bloodwork to pinpoint some areas and that came back showing some MAJOR liver problems. And I thought - here we go again. She has been on IV fluids all week and still was a little droopy. Today Dr. Baird came back from vacation and he did an ultrasound on her - said her gallbladder, small bowel, and bile ducts all looked enlarged which could be pancreatitis (which supported some of the bloodwork). Thought her liver looked ok but without doing a biopsy we wouldn't know for sure. So, we did the biopsy and sent it to the lab for pathology. He came out and told me the liver samples did not look real good - they were not the normal color of a healthy liver. Then he told me that he also looked at her spleen (since he hadn't looked at it earlier) and said there was something in her spleen - wasn't certain but it could be a mass. Not the words I wanted to hear. Can I take anymore? I really don't know. We have lost 2 of our "girls" in the last 6 months - will we lose a third? He put her back on IV fluids and she has to go back tomorrow for more fluids. She vomited last night and this morning, but so far tonight she has held her food down. She is droopy and we can tell by her eyes, she does not feel well.
I feel like I want to go into a deep hole and never come out. Why? Why is this happening all at once? I know I don't have the answers - only God does. I know I can say that He has blessed Terri and I with these little dogs and I REALLY thank Him for all He has done for Fancy. She truly should have died at least 5 times in the past. And He kept her here with us longer than we thought she would live. But why now? So soon after losing Thea. And she is acting just like Thea - not feeling well, abnormal blood results...... I am feeling quite apprehensive. I pray we will have her with us for a long time, but only God knows for sure.
"Lord, I don't know why this is happening again - to Fancy now. You have blessed us with our 4-legged family and we have loved them all so much. I thank you for all the years you have let them be with us and the joy they have given us. I ask that you heal Fancy and let her stay with us a while longer. But, if this is not your will, Lord, I pray you give me all I will need - Your love, Your strength, Your comfort, Your arms around me. Because, Lord, I know I will need all that and more if she does not pull out of this. Thank you Lord for loving ME. Amen.
1 comment:
My first response to hearing all of this is to ask (emphatically) why must this be! It is not fair. It should not be this way. You don't deserve this.
But I know that the truth is that we must trust in a living and loving God. The Creator of every living thing. He is the answer. He is Truth. He is trustworthy in the darkest, hardest times.
You are still covered in my prayers. I love you friend always!
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