How to begin tonight ---- sitting here watching Thea sleep on the chair. My sweet little Thea - who has been with me for 15 years, through so many things with me. And now, I feel so helpless not knowing what to do for her. She has been definitely diagnosed with kidney disease/failure in the early stages. And now she has also stopped eating her Z/D food which has helped her inflammatory bowel disease for almost a year. She has been eating (when she eats) K/D for her kidney problems. But now she has started having inflammatory bowel episodes about every other day (which means she has an upset stomach, vomiting and diarrhea for about 24 hrs.). All of that does not help her kidney problem. We started her on a new food tonight to hopefully help with the inflammatory bowel problem. She seemed to really like it and ate it down. I was so encouraged because she hadn't eaten since yesterday. Then about 30 minutes ago, I was cleaning up after her when she threw it all back up. She has been laying on the chair all night and has not been up at all except when I took her out to potty and then I physically got her up. I feel like we are caught between two rocks that are slowly coming together and squishing us.
One vet thinks she may have leukemia and the other one does not. Deep down I feel like she does not - that there is something else wrong. But we cannot figure out what the problem is. Her WBC keeps going up and up, she is still anemic, and she is now down to just under 8 lbs. I feel like I am watching her slip away from me. And tonight when I picked her up I saw where she has a HUGE red, bruise-like spot on her left chest/abdomen and leg. She had another one earlier this week on the right side. And we don't know why!!!
I have had many heartfelt talks with God and I know He is there for me and with me but I don't know what to do. I feel like I don't know what to pray for anymore. I love Thea so much and it hurts to think about not having her in my life. She has been my "baby" and my best friend for 15 years. But I know she can't be with me forever. It is just so hard not knowing what is wrong and how to help her. I know that I must keep praying and I WILL keep praying. And I know someday God will take her from me - but it hurts to think that "someday" may be sooner than I would like. I have a feeling down deep that I won't have her with me next year.
Thea has been my "little" blessing in such a "BIG" way and it will be so difficult when she is no longer in my life. I want her to be with me for as long as possible - and I know she is "just a dog" but she is God's gift to me and I thank Him for her. And I wonder if God is trying to tell me something because the following has been on my mind most of the day and if so, I just pray Lord that You will be with me daily as I deal with this. (And is it wrong, Lord, to ask that she stay with me for awhile longer?)
"The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed is the Name of the Lord."
6 comments:
Oh, Deb...I wish there was something I could do or say to comfort you, as I know how you are feeling. You have such faith and I know you will be comforted by God's love. They are not "just dogs", but our best friends and oh how we do miss them, when they are gone.
I know this is a tough time for you...I wish there was something I could do to make it easier for you. Thea loves you as much as you love her and she is so lucky to have you in her life and she knows that you will be there with her to help her, take care of her and love and comfort her in her illness.
Love,
Carole
I know what you are going through. I use to look at Jacob and think how would we ever get along without him. It is hard when they leave us, why can't they live as long as we do? I still miss Jacob and probably always will he was such a big part of our lives. I just think of him as running and playing in heaven and he will be there when we get there. You have a lot of memories with Thea and there will never be another dog to replace her, they are not just dogs to us they are our little babies and best friends. I love you. I wish I could be there to give you support and lots of hugs!!
Love, Pat
Debbie,
I have tried several times to write an appropriate comment. Honestly, I don't there really is one.
It seems of little consolation for me to say that I have been there before. Of course, you know that. You walked with me through several times like this. Yet at this point, as I see your heart breaking it does not matter where I have been, but it matters ever so much where you are.
Friend, on one hand I am so sorry that you must go through this time. On the other hand, I rejoice. What an amazing gift of love Thea has been in your life! She has added much to many lives. These are things we must cherish in the midst of loss and despair. I know you will.
I love you dearly.
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my my mighty fortress, I will not be shaken. Psalm 62:5-6
Debbie, I wrote too much so copied to email, but it went all down a loooong, narrow line, just few words on each. Hope you can read it. Sorry to be such a dud. Love you much and am thinking of you with saddened heart. Thea really has been such a gift to you. You've been blessed by her and she couldn't have had a better mommy/friend. jo ann
Aunt Deb,
You are in our prayers. We are so happy Thea has been part of your life. Trey said to let you know that it will be ok and he will pray for you and Thea. We love you.
Jenny and kids
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